Relevant Magazine

Deb Fileta: What We Get Wrong About Setting Boundaries

Deb Fileta: What We Get Wrong About Setting Boundaries

Friday, January 30, 2026
We tend to think of boundaries as lines drawn to keep other people in check. Emotional fences, meant to correct or protect us from someone else’s behavior. But that definition may miss the point entirely. Licensed counselor and author Debra Fileta has spent years watching people—especially Christians—confuse boundaries with ultimatums. It’s costing us our emotional…