When Life Doesn’t Go as Planned, God Is Still Good

The Life We Imagined About three years ago, my wife and I welcomed our first daughter, Abigail, into the world. We had been praying about starting a family for some time, and the thought that we would soon meet her filled us with anticipation. Like many expectant parents, we moved through the usual preparations of pregnancy. I made runs for whatever craving my wife had that week, while she prepared the nursery toward the end of those nine months. Since this was our first experience with pregnancy, nearly everything felt new, but nothing really caught us off guard or gave us reason for alarm. As we prepared, we simply imagined eventually bringing our daughter home and beginning the ordinary yet blessed work of parenthood. However, what was initially supposed to be an uneventful, run-of-the-mill pregnancy quickly became one of the most challenging seasons of our lives, as Abigail was born nearly two months earlier than her original due date. While the survival rate of infants born at that stage is high, Abigail was also diagnosed with Down syndrome and a ventricular septal defect (VSD), which is a small hole in the heart’s lower chambers. Those complications required her to remain in the NICU for an extended period. Anyone familiar with the NICU knows that it is not a glamorous part of the hospital. The rooms are often tiny, dim, and cramped. Abigail was placed in a small plastic incubator, with wires attached to her body to monitor her heart rate and breathing. A feeding tube came from her mouth, providing the formula she was not yet strong enough to take on her own. The Life We Didn’t Choose Needless to say, this was not how we imagined our first days as parents would be. While we watched other children in the NICU come and go after only a few days, Abigail remained. And with every extra night in the hospital, it became harder to ignore the reality that our life moving forward would not only be difficult but also different from what most families experience. As I look back on that season of our family’s life, I am reminded that as humans, we often have a natural resistance to circumstances that set us outside the norm. When we see other families live a certain way or enjoy certain blessings without complication, we automatically assume those same things will come to us as well. But sometimes God calls us to walk the road less traveled. Raising a child with a disability is just one of the many ways the Lord may lead His people into extenuating circumstances. And when those moments come, our hearts often reveal what we truly believe about His goodness—and especially His fairness. Bitterness and envy often reveal themselves in obvious ways—through coveting wealth, possessions, or status—but they can also surface when we are denied the ordinary blessings we assume everyone else gets to enjoy. All of a sudden, we feel that God has singled us out. We cannot fathom why our experience is different from the experiences of others. “Why me?” we might ask. A God Who Notices Us The psalmist in Psalm 8 asks a similar question, yet his posture is entirely different. His exact words are, “what is man that you are mindful of him?” (Psalm 8:4, ESV). The contrast in attitude should strike us as unnatural. We often find ourselves reacting to suffering and trials by believing that God has arbitrarily chosen to be especially harsh to us. But the psalmist’s question flips this reaction on its head. He doesn’t ask why God would afflict him but why God would notice him—or include him in His world at all. The thing that prompts the psalmist’s question is gazing at the moon and the stars (Psalm 8:3). The tension of our human experience is that humankind, though small when measured against the grandeur of creation, has been blessed by God beyond even what the most impressive creations have been given. While the moon and stars display His glory, man is crowned with glory and honor (Psalm 8:5). This cosmic comparison ought to humble us and deepen our gratitude. When life takes a turn we never expected, Psalm 8 helps the smallest lights shine brighter in what may feel like a sea of darkness. Whether it is the precious sound of new life in the midst of a quiet NICU room or the sight of a monitor assuring us that a heart is still beating as it should, we begin to see that none of these things were ever owed to us. They have been given to us by grace alone. The Savior Who Bore Our Injustice The greatest injustice in the world is not that we were denied something we falsely believed was owed to us. Bitterness and envy may convince us otherwise, but they do not tell the truth. When we turn our mind to Christ, we realize that He endured the greatest injustice in all of history: a perfect man crucified for sins that were not His own. And yet He remained silent, even praying for the forgiveness of those who committed this evil against Him (Luke 23:34). In His humanity, Jesus Christ deserved far better than the lot He was given. He was not merely entitled to a normal life of comfort and peace but to all the glory of heaven and earth. Yet for the sake of our salvation and according to the good pleasure of His will, He subjected Himself to suffering, trial, and even the pains of death itself. But because He did, we can trust that the circumstances God calls us to endure are never outside the reach of His mercy. Some roads may be less traveled, and some things may set us apart in ways we never expected, but none of them are unfamiliar to Christ. The One who righteously endured suffering for our sake now walks with us in ours. His resurrection ensures that even death will not have the final say in our lives. Even when life does not follow the pattern we assumed it would, the cross assures us of His love, mercy, and grace in every step. If you liked this article, check out the related resources linked below! Author Bio Brian Li earned his Master of Divinity from Westminster Theological Seminary in 2020 and enjoys helping Christians think faithfully about faith, family, and culture through the lens of Scripture. His articles have been published at the Standing for Freedom Center, and he also writes on his personal Substack. He lives with his wife, Phoebe, and their two children, Abigail and Augustine. Related Resources: Will I Make It Through? 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